So let me start by saying a couple things, first I mostly enjoyed the final installment of the Hobbit trilogy, which in my honest opinion should have been done a single film, perhaps two at the most. Second, with one small exception, in general I liked and found suitable for a giant film adaption, most of the changes that were made. So, with all of that out of the way, here are some of the things I didn’t love about The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Plotlines… I mean Armies.
Also warning, because SPOILERS
So, plotline number one, Bilbo! Will he have developed as a character by the time he gets back to the Shire? Yes, yes he will. Though why it took three movies for this to happen, just so our favorite Hobbit could tell the dwarves that they could stop by unannounced is still unknown.
To be fair, I cringe when guests come over unannounced, because there are usually dirty dishes in the sink. Perhaps some goblins, a bear man, elves, a dragon, a battle, and an entirely uneventful “back again” trip home are all I need to be more welcoming.
Plot line number two, Tauriel! Will she and Kili end up together? Will one or both of them die? And the subplot of this one is, why do we care? Well to be honest, I didn’t really care about the romance.
I only cared about how badass Tauriel could potentially be and in that regard I don’t think I was disappointed. What was a bit disappointing though was that by Tauriel’s third NEAR death I was out of suspense for whether or not I thought she’d make it. First it was “Ack that orc is going to kill her!” Then it was “Oh she survived, but now she’s going over a cliff, well she’s gone” then my reaction was “Oh, she’s still alive and fighting… ok then, whatever”. I mean I’m genuinely happy that she survived because I love Evangeline Lilly, but (and this is part of the larger issue with how long winded things started to feel) once I stopped fearing for her life even though I assumed she’d die for the sake of continuity (which I’ll get to), it was hard to feel invested in her as a character, even at the end.
Plot line number three Thorin and co. Will the king under the mountain go nuts? Yep. Will he see the error of his ways and then help? Yep, that’s it. In all honesty I found Thorin’s plot line less interesting than Tauriel and her unnecessary love triangle (I mean seriously, couldn’t she just have been awesome, instead of making things feel like a Middle Earth version of Twilight). But I digress.
Plot line number four, Bard and the humans. So this WAS my favorite plotline, until it wasn’t. All the scenes with Smaug in Laketown, which would have been the best part of Desolation of Smaug were over so quickly at the beginning of this movie that it’s awesomeness was forgotten by the time Bard was battling orcs.
What I wish I could have forgotten was that weasel from Laketown. I swear he just took the excitement out of every scene he popped up in. Why couldn’t he have just died on that boat? Seriously though, every time I think about how epic Bard was using his son to fire the arrow, I wish that we’d gotten much more time in Laketown, rather than a bloated battle.
Plot line number five was most frustrating and unnecessary plot line of them all: Lord of the Rings. Now here’s why this plot line is so unneeded and annoying. I get that it’s a prequel and part of the same universe. However, way back in 2009 Peter Jackson was saying that the only characters we could expect to return were elves because of the fact that they don’t age, that The Hobbit events are 60 years before Lord of the Rings, and characters like Aragorn weren’t really “around”. Now we’ll ignore the the eye color change for Legolas , and I will concede that this article did shed plenty of light on the timeline and scope of this world that made me reconsider the snark with which I’d planned to pen this post. However, I think that to a great degree Lord of the Rings should have just been left out of it. All that went on with Gandalf and the necromancer, like Smaug’s destruction of Laketown could have been taken care of in the previous installment. Though it was awesome to see Galadriel be so fierce. However, Thranduil’s mention of a “ranger” who’s name can’t be revealed yet to Legolas feels shoehorned, especially since either A) Thranduil doesn’t know who Aragorn is because his identity is still being concealed, or B) he could just tell Legolas who he is, but won’t because that would disrupt continuity, which is pointless as Aragorn is probably still living with the elves at this point, before he was ever ranging.
Also, as an honorable mention, and to end on a positive note the one reason why I want to watch this film again has nothing to do with the above plot lines, it’s just for Thranduil. No not because he’s hot, but because his sass is a force to be reckoned with! Just look at his fabulous hair, fierce side-eye and impeccable aloofness. I would watch this all again, just for him and his elk? Moose? Steed, his steed. So sad it died, but he tumbled with such flair! It’s also sad that there aren’t enough gifs of Thranduil’s fabulous sass. I may need to finally get a tumblr.
So, did you enjoy the final installment of the Hobbit trilogy? Did you want to burn it down like Laketown? Let us know in the comments.